Time - a thoughtful post

by - 13:01

So, it's been half term week and I've been in a rather reflective mood. Firstly it is a BIG birthday for me at the end of this week which I have mixed feelings about, and then I'm also looking at going back into work so it will be all change for our family routine. For the last five years I've been a stay at home mum in between working from home for myself. I can safely say I have loved every minute even though I have feel guilty at times that I am lucky to spend time with my daughters watching them develop and grow. Of course it hasn't been easy and hasn't been without sacrifice. Working from home for myself means that when something goes wrong it is all down to me, in fact working in general is all down to me and working for myself I can truly see that whatever I put in I get back out. For me it has been difficult, especially in the school playground trying to 'fit' in. I'm sure many other mums feel the same and it is like a mine field out there. I enjoy the school runs, and I have made some amazing friends and meet the most inspiring parents, although since going from a full time 'working' mum to a stay at home mum that works from home it is funny how your circle changes. I have noticed that in the playground the stay at homes and the working ones seem to form their own cliques; needless to say I have lost friends but made new ones too. I don't judge in any way shape or form. Life is too short simply. We are all doing the best we can - we are all being parents and it is a hard, muddle, fun, teary journey but hell, it is so worth it. But it does make you think that people's perspective of you changes with your circumstances or your decisions, which seems somewhat judgemental.  It has been difficult for me to return to work as we have no family to help support us and my partner's hours are all over the place. Now that both my daughters are in full time school I gave the working from home a go but the last few months have been stressful to the point that I feel like I'm forever taking two steps forward, one step back. I feel ready to return to work; I want to learn new skills, meet new people and enjoy a sense of doing something for someone else, getting something back, oppose to me working from home having no sense of real achievement. So....this week I have been getting out and about with the children (thank you very much weather, you are back on point!) but also thinking how different things will be when I return to work. I want to make sure I take TIME to enjoy them, enjoy the TIME we spend together and try to make special memories. TIME does fly by to quickly, and as much as I would love to spend weeks like this - no school - no work - no worries (ha) it realistically isn't going to happen, but that is life. It is up to us how we choose to spend our TIME and who we spend it with. For me I'm hoping that working will give me more balance, as I want to try to work when the girls are at school and part time so I can spend time with them on the holidays too. It is a difficult balance to strike, but working will, hopefully, make me appreciate TIME a little more, as it is such a precious gift.

Well, I told you I was in a reflective mood!
Hope your week has been time well spent, 

Love Bec xxx

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